Boy meets Girl. They fall in love, get married, have babies, live happily ever after…blah, blah, blah.

BORING!!!

I have a better love story for you.

Boy and girl grow up best friends…ok, maybe not best friends at first, but we’ll skip ahead to the best friend part. The riding horses through the graveyard, exploring the island on Sunday afternoons, Steppenwolf in the hotrod part. We loved each other dearly, and then fell madly in love. (that’s my favorite part) We were married at 21 & 22, and got our life started quickly. 18 months later we had our first perfect baby and not long after that started a business…and in no time at all, we had 3 babies, 3 businesses and lived in our dream home, lovingly constructed by my Daddy with my touch on every square inch, from the hinges to the grout. Oh, did I mention the best part? It sat surrounded on 3 sides by my parents beautiful Heritage Farm. We were living the dream! Rolling in the dough! Brand new jeep in the driveway! Brand new tractor in the barn! But, something was missing. We couldn’t put our finger on it, but we certainly felt it. Our faith began to waver, our walk began to slow, we were succumbing to mediocrity and getting way to cozy with the comfortable. We cried out for excellence!

“Don’t leave us here in our standard American dream! We want to be so much more than this! We want to do uncomfortable, impossible things! Shake us up! We aren’t afraid!”

So He did. And in less than a year the economy crashed and all 3 businesses with it. Our income fell to 25% of what it had been and things got very scary very quickly. We scrambled to save ourselves, to save our home. But we knew things were slipping away, so we let go and clung to the One in whom there is no shadow of turning. And He saved us. He saved US! Not our home, not our bank account, not our american dream…US. He rescued us with His voice and put a new dream in our heart, an impossible dream. We wept as we lost the things in which we had put so much of our identity. We were humiliated and undone when they came for the house, the jeep, the barn. We grieved. There are no words for the feelings and unraveling of that time.

We focused on our new task, the new dream. It was His dream for us and it was only with His help we would accomplish it. We began the process of applying for law school. Way up high in our condominium, a borrowed pickup in the parking garage, far away from the land we were so connected to. But not nearly as far as we were about to be. C took the LSAT and nailed it. He could choose his school. So, together we chose the University of Colorado. Why not go big?!? We waited MONTHS for our acceptance letter. It never came. We were rejected. Rejected on more levels than we could have ever imagined. Our hearts broken into even smaller pieces. But the word of Yahweh came through our Apostle and we sent another application, this time to Regent University in Virginia Beach. DAYS later we received our acceptance letter…AND A SCHOLARSHIP!!

There isn’t room here for the stories of those 3 years of our life. Difficult, beautiful years. We put our heads down and worked. We made friends for life. We beat the odds by continuing to run a business and home educate. We were homesick but happy. Graduation was glorious. We had succeeded and were blissfully unaware that our trials had really only just begun.

We moved home in May of 2012 into a townhouse that we rented sight unseen. It felt like a palace after 2.5 years in student housing. It would definitely do until we could find a home. Summer of 2012 was nerve wracking as C studied for the bar exam and we all tried to find our places here at home. We weren’t the same people who had left 3 years earlier.

C passed the bar exam with flying colors. We were ready to begin to build our life again. We couldn’t have foreseen the battle that was ahead of us. I won’t go into the long boring details, but it took the Florida Bar a year to send us a license. Oh the irony of the phone calls to an attorney for help. We suffered a major injustice and there was nothing we could do about it but sit back and take it. Finally, in the fall of 2013 we received the license.

Around that same time, something miraculous happened. We received word from the people living in our old home that they were ready to sell. We were overjoyed! We made plans to surprise the kids! The price was far lower than what we owed on it when we lost it! It was a miracle! Then, just as quickly…they backed out. This was the hardest blow we had suffered so far. It was like losing it all over again. We waited and prayed and wept and prophesied  but nothing changed.

Yahweh said, “Tarry”. So we did.

In January of 2014 Dad sat us down and told us that any piece of the farm we wanted was ours. We were overjoyed! I told him I knew just the spot and the three of us rode out to the field that had caught my eye and captured my heart. He said yes, and our hearts were mended. We waited to tell the kids and in the meantime chose a house plan. In June of 2014 the papers were drawn up and we hired a draftsman to customize our plans. And the delays began. What should have taken weeks, took months. But we were excited and happy. Finally the plans were complete and we could move forward with putting our portfolio together for financing. You see, Heritage Farm is debt free! We were determined to NOT go to the babylonian banking system for financing. We spent several weeks lovingly putting the portfolio together to send to a handful of men that we chose to  ask to invest. We had watched this scenario play out beautifully with my sister’s home and we wanted the same. It took until the end of 2014 for us to hear back from everyone. The replies were encouraging, full of hope for us and our home, but the answers were all the same. No.

In January, with the blessing of my father and our apostle, we began the process of applying for a construction loan with a bank. At this point we weren’t worried about our financial past, we were so far removed from all of that. The business was thriving and we had put some money aside, we were ready to go! We got passed the disappointment of Plan A not working out and trusted that our steps were ordered.

Long story short, we have hit brick wall after brick wall after brick wall. We have been told no at every turn, for various reasons, few of which make any sense. We have jumped through flaming hoops backwards and done many a loan officer’s job for them. My real estate guru husband has corrected so many mistakes of so many mortgage lenders that he should be getting Christmas bonuses from their banks. Computer glitches, clerical errors, documents lost…you name it, we have encountered it. Just this week we were told that what we were trying to do was impossible. Thank Yahweh for a husband with a brilliant mind and a backbone of steel, we made it past that hurdle too.

In June we moved out of the townhouse and in with my parents here on the farm, in anticipation of breaking ground within a few weeks.

So, thats where we are. Tarrying, just like He said. And we’re ok with that. Because, He is so good to us. Our best days are ahead of us. And it feels good to long for something and work for something and dream like a kid at Christmas all day, everyday. We have forgotten what it feels like to be comfortable, to have things come easily. He saved us from mediocrity. He swept us off our feet and brought us closer together and closer to Him and I will wake up everyday of my life grateful that He loved us enough to chasten and scourge us and make us new.

Here is a picture of a home very similar to the one we are building. Please come sit on the porch with us soon!

Yep, I’m THAT mom. You can’t believe the stuff I put in my kids mouths, hide in their smoothies, rub on their bodies, or diffuse in their rooms. But, you know what…IT WORKS! Yahweh put everything on the earth that we need, we just have to be hunter-gatherers and go out and find it. Of course now we hunt the internet and gather from the health food store. There hasn’t been anything that we have encountered that I haven’t been able to heal naturally. (including one especially bad case of scarlet fever) Colloidal Silver and Black Seed Oil will clear up any infection…including MRSA! Manuka Honey and Tea Tree Oil are powerful antiseptics. Lavender Essential Oil will ward off seasonal allergies, ease the pain of burns, take the itch out of an insect bite and Arnica will promote healing from the inside out…to name a few. Our first aid kit looks more like Horace Slughorn’s classroom, and I’m ok with that. Here is one of my newest concoctions which we have used a lot over the past couple of weeks. Not only do these little things soothe a sore throat, they promote healing.

Combine 1/4 c Manuka Honey, 1/4 c coconut oil and 2-3 drops of Thieves essential oil. (this is easily blended with a spoon and a little elbow grease)

Using a baggie or small spoon, squeeze a small (dime size) drop onto wax paper and place in the freezer. (I used a cake decorating bag and tip)

After about 20 minutes they should be solid enough to transfer to a covered bowl.

I store them in the freezer to keep their shape and because the coolness is just another level of relief.

Be healed!

And Yahweh said, “See, I have given you every herb that yields seed which is on the face of all the earth, and every tree whose fruit yields seed; to you it shall be for food. Genesis 1:29

From Disney on vinyl, to GNR on cassette, to Cranberries on CD, to Weezer on Spotify…my life has always had a soundtrack. Music makes my world go round and I’ve never loved it more than I do right now. Music is a lot like reading, if you think you don’t enjoy it, you just haven’t been listening to the right thing. And that right thing is different for everyone. My interests are broad when it comes to music, my playlist is ALL OVER THE PLACE. Miranda Lambert, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Daft Punk and Kings of Leon to name a few. But lately some new stuff has come along that is rocking my world, so I’m going to share some of my favorite brand new stuff with you.

I’ll start with my indie first love, Death Cab for Cutie. I played Transatlanticism THOUSANDS of times. It remains one of my favorite albums of all time and was my soundtrack for years. Here is a sneak peek of their brand new album, Kintsugi, due out 3/31:

http://www.npr.org/2015/03/22/393583853/first-listen-death-cab-for-cutie-kintsugi

http://https://youtu.be/io9ivuo4r6Q

Another band I fell in love with around that same time and that continues to be a favorite is My Morning Jacket. It just doesn’t get any cooler, any groovier, any more soulful than Jim James. Whether you are in the mood to chill or rock, MMJ is the band for you. They are perfect, and so is this new song from their upcoming album, The Waterfall, due out 5/4/15:

http://https://youtu.be/gE3DgcECSn8

I took to this next band like a fat kid to cake. But, lets be honest, you can get tired of too much of anything after a while…even cake. And that’s how its been with me and Mumford and Sons, too much of a good thing. UNTIL NOW. This new song from their album Wilder Mind, due out 5/4/15, has me all kinds of delighted. No banjo on this one. No folksy harmonies. It just straight up melts face:

http://https://youtu.be/dW6SkvErFEE

And last, but not least, is a band that is new to me. Honestly I hadn’t paid much attention to The Mowglis until this song. This is one feel good little ditty right here. Try to listen and not sing along…or at least smile. From their new album Kids in Love, due out 4/14/15. This one will be on my summer playlist for sure:

http://https://youtu.be/eHT5KNoWjzY

I try to be good, y’all. I really do…but, chocolate.

I GOTTA HAVE IT.

And I finally figured out a way I could…in moderation. (still working on that part)

What you will need:

3/4 cup cocoa

1 1/3 cup honey (raw and local if you can get it)

1 cup filtered water

1/8 teaspoon salt

1 teaspoon vanilla

Mix all the ingredients in a blender until smooth

and ENJOY!!

A couple of teaspoons in an ice cold glass of raw milk is my favorite!

Calling all bookworms! It’s officially time to freak out like only we can!

You’re not going to believe this! Seriously, I’m not sure I do either. Please don’t let this be a hoax!!

Ok, I don’t have any words so just see for yourself!

Did you read it?!?! It’s there, right?!? I didn’t dream it, did I?!? Y’all…this is huge.

I LITERALLY CAN’T EVEN.

I love photography and a beautiful moment captured and edited perfectly, but being a Mama means NOT lugging your heavy expensive camera around everywhere you go, and being willing to close your artistic eye to capture the fun messy moments that 20 years from now will no doubt be my favorites. It was hard to leave these alone, I wanted to crop and edit so bad, but mostly I wanted to remember the moment exactly like it was…perfectly imperfect.

When we burned our Christmas tree (and singed a few eyebrows and made some babies cry)

When Joel Ezra was born and we marveled at Yahweh’s goodness to us again (and at his size, 10 lbs!)

When Shanna grew some broccoli

When Jude and Ezra became best friends

When the men met at the gate of Tarry Field (did you know that chickens are VERY curious)

When Lydia made a Lego garden

When we had cousin movie night and watched the Lion King (and I cried a little…again)

When we found Pearl like this (and we all let Luke believe that they had become friends when we all knew she just wanted to eat him)

When I FINALLY learned to french braid (shut up, this was my first ever)

When we went to the free zoo (ahem *pet store*)

When Lydia helped make pancakes and invented the best ever strawberry syrup (post coming soon!)

When Mac painted like Andy Warhol at Classical Conversations

When we played a review game with Jenga and we all just KNEW Luke was doomed and he totally didn’t knock it down.

When Rain borrowed his Daddy’s helmet

When Emma took Jonah for a ride after Classical Conversations pajama day (yes, it was a real thing, no I didn’t make it up, yes I wore mine, no it wasn’t my idea)

When we ate Mexican on the Gulf (have I mentioned I love my home…and Mexican food)

When we learned about the Western mountains

When we spent a day at the salon (yep, a whole day)

When we kicked the girls out and watched Spider-Man 2

When we learned our 7s

When Aunt Margie held Ezra on his first Sunday

When Lydia started sewing lessons with the teacher of her dreams

When all 17 of us made a spontaneous late supper run to Corams (and Luke read the Hobbit the whole time and I was so proud I almost cried in my grits)

When Jonah came to play (with everything but toys)

When we took our peppermint tea to the book store

I published this and realized that the photos were all different sizes and started to stress but then realized I didn’t care!

Yeah, I totally went back and fixed them.

Happy February everybody!

love, Hope

Hey Mama,

I know you haven’t even begun to get everything done you intended to do this week…but that’s ok.

I know your kid didn’t do nearly as well on that math test as they should have, based on how many tears you’ve both shed…but that’s ok.

I know it’s weeks past the day you said you would finally start to eat right and exercise and you feel fatter than ever…but that’s ok.

I know it’s been a while since you’ve shaved your legs or waxed your eyebrows…but that’s ok.

I know your closet looks like a magnitude 9 earthquake hit and you can’t find your other favorite shoe…but that’s ok.

I know that homeschooling is a lot harder and a lot less fun than Pinterest makes it look. And no matter how good you are and how hard you work, you’ll never be Teacher of the Year and your kid will never be Student of the Month…but that’s ok.

I know the days seem long, and the nights longer…but that’s ok.

I know there are days when you think you are not enough, that somebody (even ANYBODY) would be better at this than you…but that’s NOT ok.

As stay-at-home moms we deal with extreme opinions from society. We are loved, loathed, labeled, pitied, envied, but most of all, we are utterly and completely misunderstood. They say things like: “oh, I could never do that, I just don’t have the patience” But we hear: “either you’re Mary Poppins or you’re all over there watching TV all day”. But we just smile and nod because we are weary of explaining ourselves and we don’t want to admit that most days we don’t really have the patience either. We are tired, we feel unappreciated, we crave adult conversation and an excuse to dress up every once in a while, and more than anything…we are scared to death that “THEY” are right and we’re screwing our children up forever. The cliches and Pinterest quotes that say things like: “Enjoy Every Moment” and “Each Day of our Lives We Make Deposits in the Memory Banks of our Children” leave us WRACKED with guilt. EVERY moment?!?!?!? They’re going to remember EVERYTHING?!?!?!?

It’s bullshit, y’all.

It’s hard most days…but that’s ok. We’re raising men and women who will never know what it means to conform, whose self-worth will never be wrapped up in some other kid’s opinion of them, and who GET to spend time everyday with the people who love them and believe in them most. Their days are centered around family and their schedules are dictated by the season, opportunity, and spontaneity. Yes, children thrive with boundaries…but they suffer in confinement. Keep your head up, Mama. You’ve got this. On your worst day, you’re still the best thing that ever happened to that man and those babies, and don’t you forget it. You’re beautiful, you’re fearless and you’re fiercely loved. Maybe you needed to be reminded…and that’s ok.

Some days I’m overwhelmed by how far I’ve come.
MOST days I’m overwhelmed by how far I have left to go.
But today, as that nagging fear of failure began creeping up my stomach and into my throat, threatening again to choke the life out of me, I swallowed hard and made a decision.

I decided to believe..

…that He who called me is faithful, who also will do it.

…that I’m not too old and its not too late.

…that I won’t harden my heart while it is called today.

…that I’m good at this.

…that the best is yet to come and the good old days are just that, good OLD days.

…that every good and perfect gift…and every difficult and trying day…are from the Father.

…that my body is strong and my spirit stronger.

…that I’m not my own worst enemy, I’m my best friend.

…that all my wildest dreams can and will come true.

…in myself.